hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize