Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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