you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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