Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
