Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
