nut hugger
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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