I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
