Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
