Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
