I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
this must be what syphilis tastes like
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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