I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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