I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
