I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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