Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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