you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
