OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
