i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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