was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
last night I used snow as a chaser
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