if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
