he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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