Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
