what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
