if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
