i wish my penis had a tongue
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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