before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
