her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
