you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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