Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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