You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
