This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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