Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
