I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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