He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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