Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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