So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
