the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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