At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
