Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
