those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
