Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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