did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
