I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
