...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
