im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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