Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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