my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
