i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
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I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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