He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
