just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
