STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
