Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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