she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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