everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
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Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
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My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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