you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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