You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
