trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize