There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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