I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
