Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
