i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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