You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
