If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
