her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
