If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
