where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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