he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
