he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Are we still banned from the library?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
