batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
