Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
