my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I party with great urgency now.
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