i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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