Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
thus making me awesome and them whores
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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