she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
