dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
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I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
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I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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