I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
