I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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