I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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