I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
