I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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