I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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