I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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