Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We just shotgunned beers for America
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
