Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
