Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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