went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
