Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
