I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
