I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
