Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
