I can tuck mytits in my pants
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
