I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
